How are things at Bell Lab-ratories? I hear a bird, a Murray Hill bird, It well may be he's bringing me a cheering word. I hear a breeze, a New Jersey breeze, It well may be it's followed me from seas to seas. Then tell me please: How are things at Bell Lab-ratories? Is there any research there on the hill? Do any still write some papers, With Brian, and Dennis, and Bill? How are things at Bell Lab-ratories? Is there any body still left there? Does any MTS with a steady eye Stay workin' late or does he skulk away, Mad and angry there not to see me there? So I ask each researcher and each prof along the way, And each engineer that is a-coding in C How are things in Bell Lab-ratories this fine day? When I Can't Hire the Candidate I Want Oh my heart is beating wildly And it's all because you're here. When I can't hire the candidate I want, I want the candidate I can hire. Ev'ry PhD that flutters by me Is a flame that must be fanned. When I can't employ the brain I'm fond of, I'll be fond of the brain I can employ. My group's in a pickle, It's constantly fickle And not too partickle, I fear. When I can't hire the candidate I want, I want the candidate I can hire. I'm confessing a confession And I hope I'm not verbose When I'm not close to the research I cling to, I cling to the research that's close. As I'm more and more banal I am more and more a case. When I'm not reading the paper that I fancy. I fancy the paper I read. For Princeton I'm carin', But NJIT I'm choosin'. I'm faithful to whos'n is here. When I can't hire the candidate I want, I want the candidate I can hire.